Alcohol with BDSM: Yay Or Nay?

For a lot of kink enthusiasts, kink playing while tipsy or high is the very opposite of safe play. According to them, intoxicated BDSM play must be avoided as a rule. It’s a big no-no or an absolute limit for them. Playing under alcohol’s influence is also considered to be irresponsible. On the other hand, others find it a way by which they can enhance their BDSM experience. They think alcohol can induce spontaneity, relaxation, and lubrication for an elevated state of mind. For such players, their limits are well defined and sturdy.

 

Alcohol with BDSM

 

Yet again, there are some who are either eager to explore alcohol’s influence on their kink-play or have already found a middle ground. However, you must know that playing under alcohol’s influence can be hyper dangerous.  Even then, you can experiment with a little alcohol in one of your sessions. 

 

But if you are just getting started or are against the idea of alcohol-dependent BDSM, just hold your judgments on a leash as of now. Tease your discomfort a little and then see what you decide to ultimately do. 

 

A Huge Disclaimer Before Getting Started

 

This post does not condone risky, intoxicated edge-play. Players are strongly advised to understand their alcohol tolerance as well as that of their partners before engaging in alcohol-based kink stuff. Intense self-awareness should be practiced at all times before and during the BDSM session. If you have just started out with BDSM, or a specific category of BDSM with your intoxicant or your partner, try with extremely low levels of the intoxicant first. 

 

You should never, at any point, misconstrue this post’s message as an encouragement to use alcohol for BDSM. You should be aware of the fact that alcohol’s influence can complicate things for both you as well as your partner. Being dulled/numbed due to alcohol might result in extreme physical injuries since your decision-making and judgment process will be impaired.

 

 TL; DR: Before trying alcohol for BDSM, just be very, very-and this cannot be stressed enough-very careful. 

 

 Now that we are aware of the consequences of alcohol mixed with kink, let us get ahead with how alcohol should and should not be mixed with kink-play. 

 

Things You Must Absolutely Know Before Starting Your Alcohol Laden Kink Session

 

Emphatically speaking just as before-Know thyself intimately enough! 

 

This means you must KNOW the following:

 

  • How your body might react to the play-type you are about to engage in
  • Your body’s reaction to the intoxicant you will be using, 
  • Understanding your emotions and mindset before the play
  • Your general feelings experienced every day
  • Likes and dislikes
  • Intoxicant and kink play limits 
  • Abilities
  • Know your partner’s likes/dislikes/abilities/limits 
  • Know your kink-play inside out. Engage play methods that both you as well as your partner are thoroughly familiar with and have preferably practiced before.
  • Know that certain intoxicants affect your body’s reactions and abilities this may include but is certainly not limited to the inability to get an erection.
  •  Difficulty/inability in reaching an orgasm.
  • Dizziness and lightheadedness
  • Mild to severe nausea
  • disassociation
  • thinned blood (proportionate to alcohol consumed)
  • Numbed/dulled stimulatory responses: you might not realize that you have had a painful physical injury until you get sober
  • Distorted perception as well as reasoning ability
  • Distorted spatial abilities

Some Do’s & Dont’s for alcohol with BDSM 

 

After taking the time to know everything related to you, your partner, both of yours intoxication tolerances and BDSM in the first place, here is a list of Do’s and Don’ts:

 

The Do’s

 

  • Do play only with partners already know and can trust.
  • Do explore your kink-play first only when you are sober and then try with low doses of intoxication
  • Do take your partner’s consent when they are fully sober and aware of your decision to go drunk.
  • Do play “lightly” at first. Try shorter, smaller, halfway intense experiments. Make it fun, silly, and happy for your first time.
  • To ensure that you have the necessary after-session safety equipment ready- paper towels, EMT containers, sharps, shears, etc.
  • Do ensure that you as well as your partner take in more non-alcoholic fluids. That’ll help prevent dehydration during your playtime.
  • Do constantly check your partner from time to time. Are they proving that they’re with you? If they’re not responding adequately, stop immediately. If they go silent after some or seem disoriented and incoherent, stop and get up. Ask if they how they are feeling wait for their response. If they don’t answer at all-plug the scene at once!
  • Do talk with your partner when both of you are sober. Consider the following questions:
  • Has either of you kink played while being intoxicated before? 
  • How was your past experience with drunken play? 
  • Have you had any experience with the planned intoxicant? 
  • What was your/your partner’s drunkenness like? Horny or angry? Crazy romantic or sad?
  • Are you in full control when you smoke? How do you feel? Dissociated or more connected? 

 

These are some important questions you must consider before you start playing drunk. Spanking someone after a few drinks only to make them angry and bitter-maybe even combative-won’t be something you’d want. Ask the stared questions above before going hanky-panky with your partner.

.

The Dont’s

 

  • Don’t play with an entirely new person when drunk. 
  • Don’t try anything new while drunk. When drunk: you ARE NOT AWARE of what you might be doing. You ARE NOT AWARE of how your partner might react. Save it advanced kink-play for more sober times. 
  • Avoid playing heavy. This means you must avoid playing complicated narratives, including heavy, emotionally cathartic scenes.
  •  Do not get involved in emotional play: this includes

humiliation, 

emotional sadomasochism

Dom-sub relationships etc.

 

 Intoxicants can severely amplify your deep-rooted negative emotions in extremely unpredictable manners.  So what may have been passable humiliation kinking might completely result in a mentally disturbing, sobbing breakdown. As mentioned before, if you or your partner have underlying mental health issues, only play sober.

 

  • Don’t try to involve extreme bondage when drunk. If you have been practicing Shibari for quite some time, maybe it is all based on muscle memory and nothing else. However, for several new entrants of Shibari, this is often not feasible. Bondage (of every kind) demands razor-sharp focus and involvement of many other factors. 

 

You may or may not realize that you or your partner is going numb. Also, when drunk, you might take time in recognizing your body parts turning blue. Besides, rapid physiological changes elicited by intoxication can induce rapid movements. 

 

If your lower body goes numb all of a sudden, but your partner is so heavily tied that they cannot move, what will you do? 

 

Cutting off all ropes with your EMT shears? 

 

Allowing them or yourself to throw up everywhere to feel better? 

 

Look frantically around for keys to undo all the straps? (This can be a lot of work considering you or your partner or both would be heavily drunk). 

 

On the other hand, you can use verbal bondage:  For example: “don’t move or else I’ll cancel the scene”. Also, try to *loosely* tie the straps around your partner’s wrists/arms and waist and then tack them to the wall. This way, even if you pass out drunk, you can move your bottom instantly while still under the illusion of “heavy” bondage. Still, you should be mindful of circulation. Steer clear of any insulting, or emotionally hurtful comments that might hurt your partner. 

 

  • Don’t use hard drugs for playing. Even if both partners are aware of their uptake of LSD/Molly/coke/, etc., you are strongly advised to avoid playing in their effect. Psychedelics induce unpredictable experiences that can change rapidly. Moreover, their effects take a lot of time to wear off. Even large doses of alcohol should be likewise avoided.

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